Post by amber on Jan 10, 2019 23:29:44 GMT -5
I do not like to do things in general
let me begin by stating that i do not like to do things in general, and that i prefer to minimize the actions and things that i do... and that if there were ever to arise a moment that i could avoid doing something, i would indeed take advantage of the opportunity to not do that thing... so, any action that i do choose to perform is a special thing, an affirmative thing, a thing to be treasured, and a thing that brings to me wealth, or strength, or comfort, or perhaps some other amenity... and i would gladly spend my entire life in repose, while simply not doing anything... and to gauge my quality during this repose, is of course difficult... perhaps i would become spherical like a bopian, or perhaps i would grow extraordinarily thin and frail like a contrabopian... but who knows, because this is an ideal circumstance that exists outside of me and i will never have any idea about it because i am a worthless speck of dirt on this huge dreadful planet populated by the brutal dreadful forces which care nothing for me and which will gladly stomp on me like the stupid piece of dirt that i am.
in my life, there are often times that i am doing something, and often i am busy doing this thing... and when this occurs, the action, or sequence of actions that i am performing occupies my mind completely, so that it can be difficult for me to focus on anything else at all... it is as if the whole world and my surroundings dissolve entirely into atoms and molecules floating around and rotating, with the electrons spinning clockwise and counterclockwise, and then i see the action to be performed in front of me and everything else is faded out... because it is my duty to perform this action, and i know that i simply must perform it to be granted the gifts that i wish and to be allowed repose in the future... and sometimes i even see multiple images in front of me, often times a sequence of images, like a presentation or a filmstrip, or maybe even multiple branching trees of actions that i can perform... long story short, i know that i must perform this action unquestioningly and with obeisance... and i know that i must obey the logical mechanism within my own mind that allows me to view the world in the context of my value system and its criteria, which i know are infallible and perfect in every way, because i myself am a worthless piece of trash and it is pretty much this logical mechanism that controls me entirely...
and so i begin to perform tasks, one after the other in the list that i have set, and i find that the sequence of tasks one after another involves a certain rhythm, a certain cadence of performing them, and that the more tasks i perform, the easier the subsequent tasks are to perform, and i finally settle into a fuzzy blur of tasks, forgetting their sequential order but performing them perfectly through muscle memory and reciprocal action of muscles, and sometimes even performing them out of order when it is apt to do so... and for a moment, it is as if i am in repose while still performing tasks... and so, due to my dislike of doing things, and due to my love of bopian or contrabopian repose, there is a mournfulness and a sadness involved in myself performing this action, because i know that every action that i perform is a sacrifice, and that this sacrifice will likely feed the brutal dreadful beings that i share this dreadful planet with, and that they will become plump and fat due to my gifts and offerings...
You'll never guess what happens next...
and as my performance of the actions flows out of me unfettered, as rose petals falling from the skies onto a stage where the actions bloom forth, i begin to realize that sometimes roses have thorns... and that these thorns can act as pricks that impose onto the action which you are currently performing... and that this can sometimes result in frenzied fits and ululations of anger being thrown at the agent who is administering the interruption process, and that this agent is the bane of all of my performances of actions... the more i become aware of the interruption the more i realize its nature as a distraction, and the nature of its agent as a causer of distraction... and thus to me, both interruption and agent are evil and unwanted... and yet i also become aware of the urgent necessity of addressing this interruption, because it will not go away in lack of addressing it or the agent... but rather it will grow stronger and more urgent with every second that i do not address the interruption or the agent... and this feeling tortures me and fills me with dread... because i had just settled in to my performance of actions and it was so beautiful and amazing but this interruption ruined everything as if it stomped its muddy boots all over my nice carpet in the living room... and now i hate the agent of this interruption... and i slightly want to kill them... either that or just ignore them but i know they won't go away... so it's just horrible, as though they are corrupting me and soiling my idea of beauty and perfection...
now that i have felt this mixed sensation of excitement and also fear that causes my knees to tremble, i bring myself into my own hands and begin to feel a light sensation which begins to grant me the confidence to correctly deal with the interruption situation... and consequently i begin something i like to call the interruption process, which entails a number of steps... firstly i receive the interruption through a signal processing system that i have created within myself, and which is brought out of me in shock states such as these, and this systematically and holistically assesses the interruption and determines its threat level... secondly, considering that i am currently at work, i finish the current action that i am performing, so that i am not stuck in the middle of an action, but so that i can be confident that i have finished the current work action and can take a break to process the interruption, and i make a note to myself saying what is the next action of the work, so i am not confused when i return... thirdly i make eye contact with the interruption agent and try to look into his soul enough to figure out what he's getting me to do, and maybe smile at him a bit, and maybe look away and look back at him a couple times to make sure he's really serious about the interruption and not just joking... fourthly i prepare to forego my will to the interruption and completely surrender my body to the interrupting agent... because i am now but a vessel for the interruption to work through me, and my body never had any worth anyways because i was always just a stupid vessel who delivers babies in the delivery room if needed, and because the interruption washes over me like water and fire... and my whole body feels so soft...
fifth, i prepare for total entry into the body of the interruption, and i orient all of the structures within myself to be ready for a total surrender of will to the interruption... for this to be done i must save all the mental information about my current work in my brain so that i do not forget anything when i return... sixth, i hand over total control to the interruption, and let go completely... seventh, i have no memory of what happens here because it is completely hypnotic and any post-hypnotic suggestions are lost on me entirely, but sometimes memories from this time area reoccur in dreams or just when they are prompted by a question someone asks me, and this may send me into a shock state, though i usually recover quickly... eighth, i recover all of the saved information inside my brain, so that i may continue working with all the same context that i had just as i was interrupted... and ninth, and this is the final step, i tell myself that i did a good job handling this interruption, so i pat myself on the back and possibly reward myself if the interruption agent can't see me doing it... because i know he hates when i do that kind of stuff, because he wants me completely compartmentalized and not thinking about my interruptions when i am supposed to be working and vice versa... sometimes i also stroke my hand over the wooden grooves of my desk and feel its textures, like, does anyone else do that...
Conclusion
IN CONCLUSION, I CONSIDER SELF FLAGELLATION TO BE A POSITIVE PRACTICE IN THE MORTIFICATION OF THE FLESH, ALSO MY BODY IS NOT THE PROPERTY OF ANYONE BUT RATHER IT IS JUST "BORROWED" BY CERTAIN PEOPLE AT CERTAIN TIMES AND SPACIAL COORDINATES, AND ALSO THE APPLE HOUSE IS A SCARY ENTITY WHICH IS DEATHLY HORRIFYING BUT SOMETIMES SCARY THINGS ARE GOOD LIKE HORROR MOVIES BECAUSE THEY TEACH YOU LIFE LESSONS AND IMBUE YOU WITH STORIES YOU CAN TELL THAT YOU WOULD NOT KNOW OTHERWISE!!!!!!! AND ACTUALLY MANY BEINGS WOULD DIE TO ENTER THE APPLE HOUSE EVEN THOUGH I WOULDN'T REALLY LIKE TO BUT HEY THAT'S THEIR CHOICE AND WHO AM I TO SAY NO!!!!!!! BECAUSE THE UNKNOWN IS BEAUTIFUL AND THE APPLE HOUSE HAS A KING AND A QUEEN THAT CONTROL IT AND THEY HAVE MANY PROPERTIES/ESTATES, AND SOMETIMES ESTATES WITHIN PROPERTIES AND PROPERTIES WITHIN ESTATES, NOT COUNTING THE PROPERTY OF GAMMA CONCRETE, BECAUSE THEY ARE A BIT MORE RELAXED AND CHILL, AND THEY USUALLY DON'T TELL YOU THAT SOMETHING IS THEIR PROPERTY UNTIL YOU REALLY DO SOMETHING CRAZY, WHEREAS THE APPLE HOUSE WILL TELL YOU RIGHT AWAY IF YOU EVEN TOUCH IT!!!!!!! AND THEY HAVE SO MANY ANGELS AND UNICORNS RUNNING AROUND IN THERE!!!!!!! I ONCE TALKED TO A UNICORN!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY GOSH WHATS UP WITH UNICORNS???????
And so ends my crazy rant. Yes I am literally crazy so thank you for listening.
let me begin by stating that i do not like to do things in general, and that i prefer to minimize the actions and things that i do... and that if there were ever to arise a moment that i could avoid doing something, i would indeed take advantage of the opportunity to not do that thing... so, any action that i do choose to perform is a special thing, an affirmative thing, a thing to be treasured, and a thing that brings to me wealth, or strength, or comfort, or perhaps some other amenity... and i would gladly spend my entire life in repose, while simply not doing anything... and to gauge my quality during this repose, is of course difficult... perhaps i would become spherical like a bopian, or perhaps i would grow extraordinarily thin and frail like a contrabopian... but who knows, because this is an ideal circumstance that exists outside of me and i will never have any idea about it because i am a worthless speck of dirt on this huge dreadful planet populated by the brutal dreadful forces which care nothing for me and which will gladly stomp on me like the stupid piece of dirt that i am.
in my life, there are often times that i am doing something, and often i am busy doing this thing... and when this occurs, the action, or sequence of actions that i am performing occupies my mind completely, so that it can be difficult for me to focus on anything else at all... it is as if the whole world and my surroundings dissolve entirely into atoms and molecules floating around and rotating, with the electrons spinning clockwise and counterclockwise, and then i see the action to be performed in front of me and everything else is faded out... because it is my duty to perform this action, and i know that i simply must perform it to be granted the gifts that i wish and to be allowed repose in the future... and sometimes i even see multiple images in front of me, often times a sequence of images, like a presentation or a filmstrip, or maybe even multiple branching trees of actions that i can perform... long story short, i know that i must perform this action unquestioningly and with obeisance... and i know that i must obey the logical mechanism within my own mind that allows me to view the world in the context of my value system and its criteria, which i know are infallible and perfect in every way, because i myself am a worthless piece of trash and it is pretty much this logical mechanism that controls me entirely...
and so i begin to perform tasks, one after the other in the list that i have set, and i find that the sequence of tasks one after another involves a certain rhythm, a certain cadence of performing them, and that the more tasks i perform, the easier the subsequent tasks are to perform, and i finally settle into a fuzzy blur of tasks, forgetting their sequential order but performing them perfectly through muscle memory and reciprocal action of muscles, and sometimes even performing them out of order when it is apt to do so... and for a moment, it is as if i am in repose while still performing tasks... and so, due to my dislike of doing things, and due to my love of bopian or contrabopian repose, there is a mournfulness and a sadness involved in myself performing this action, because i know that every action that i perform is a sacrifice, and that this sacrifice will likely feed the brutal dreadful beings that i share this dreadful planet with, and that they will become plump and fat due to my gifts and offerings...
You'll never guess what happens next...
and as my performance of the actions flows out of me unfettered, as rose petals falling from the skies onto a stage where the actions bloom forth, i begin to realize that sometimes roses have thorns... and that these thorns can act as pricks that impose onto the action which you are currently performing... and that this can sometimes result in frenzied fits and ululations of anger being thrown at the agent who is administering the interruption process, and that this agent is the bane of all of my performances of actions... the more i become aware of the interruption the more i realize its nature as a distraction, and the nature of its agent as a causer of distraction... and thus to me, both interruption and agent are evil and unwanted... and yet i also become aware of the urgent necessity of addressing this interruption, because it will not go away in lack of addressing it or the agent... but rather it will grow stronger and more urgent with every second that i do not address the interruption or the agent... and this feeling tortures me and fills me with dread... because i had just settled in to my performance of actions and it was so beautiful and amazing but this interruption ruined everything as if it stomped its muddy boots all over my nice carpet in the living room... and now i hate the agent of this interruption... and i slightly want to kill them... either that or just ignore them but i know they won't go away... so it's just horrible, as though they are corrupting me and soiling my idea of beauty and perfection...
now that i have felt this mixed sensation of excitement and also fear that causes my knees to tremble, i bring myself into my own hands and begin to feel a light sensation which begins to grant me the confidence to correctly deal with the interruption situation... and consequently i begin something i like to call the interruption process, which entails a number of steps... firstly i receive the interruption through a signal processing system that i have created within myself, and which is brought out of me in shock states such as these, and this systematically and holistically assesses the interruption and determines its threat level... secondly, considering that i am currently at work, i finish the current action that i am performing, so that i am not stuck in the middle of an action, but so that i can be confident that i have finished the current work action and can take a break to process the interruption, and i make a note to myself saying what is the next action of the work, so i am not confused when i return... thirdly i make eye contact with the interruption agent and try to look into his soul enough to figure out what he's getting me to do, and maybe smile at him a bit, and maybe look away and look back at him a couple times to make sure he's really serious about the interruption and not just joking... fourthly i prepare to forego my will to the interruption and completely surrender my body to the interrupting agent... because i am now but a vessel for the interruption to work through me, and my body never had any worth anyways because i was always just a stupid vessel who delivers babies in the delivery room if needed, and because the interruption washes over me like water and fire... and my whole body feels so soft...
fifth, i prepare for total entry into the body of the interruption, and i orient all of the structures within myself to be ready for a total surrender of will to the interruption... for this to be done i must save all the mental information about my current work in my brain so that i do not forget anything when i return... sixth, i hand over total control to the interruption, and let go completely... seventh, i have no memory of what happens here because it is completely hypnotic and any post-hypnotic suggestions are lost on me entirely, but sometimes memories from this time area reoccur in dreams or just when they are prompted by a question someone asks me, and this may send me into a shock state, though i usually recover quickly... eighth, i recover all of the saved information inside my brain, so that i may continue working with all the same context that i had just as i was interrupted... and ninth, and this is the final step, i tell myself that i did a good job handling this interruption, so i pat myself on the back and possibly reward myself if the interruption agent can't see me doing it... because i know he hates when i do that kind of stuff, because he wants me completely compartmentalized and not thinking about my interruptions when i am supposed to be working and vice versa... sometimes i also stroke my hand over the wooden grooves of my desk and feel its textures, like, does anyone else do that...
Conclusion
IN CONCLUSION, I CONSIDER SELF FLAGELLATION TO BE A POSITIVE PRACTICE IN THE MORTIFICATION OF THE FLESH, ALSO MY BODY IS NOT THE PROPERTY OF ANYONE BUT RATHER IT IS JUST "BORROWED" BY CERTAIN PEOPLE AT CERTAIN TIMES AND SPACIAL COORDINATES, AND ALSO THE APPLE HOUSE IS A SCARY ENTITY WHICH IS DEATHLY HORRIFYING BUT SOMETIMES SCARY THINGS ARE GOOD LIKE HORROR MOVIES BECAUSE THEY TEACH YOU LIFE LESSONS AND IMBUE YOU WITH STORIES YOU CAN TELL THAT YOU WOULD NOT KNOW OTHERWISE!!!!!!! AND ACTUALLY MANY BEINGS WOULD DIE TO ENTER THE APPLE HOUSE EVEN THOUGH I WOULDN'T REALLY LIKE TO BUT HEY THAT'S THEIR CHOICE AND WHO AM I TO SAY NO!!!!!!! BECAUSE THE UNKNOWN IS BEAUTIFUL AND THE APPLE HOUSE HAS A KING AND A QUEEN THAT CONTROL IT AND THEY HAVE MANY PROPERTIES/ESTATES, AND SOMETIMES ESTATES WITHIN PROPERTIES AND PROPERTIES WITHIN ESTATES, NOT COUNTING THE PROPERTY OF GAMMA CONCRETE, BECAUSE THEY ARE A BIT MORE RELAXED AND CHILL, AND THEY USUALLY DON'T TELL YOU THAT SOMETHING IS THEIR PROPERTY UNTIL YOU REALLY DO SOMETHING CRAZY, WHEREAS THE APPLE HOUSE WILL TELL YOU RIGHT AWAY IF YOU EVEN TOUCH IT!!!!!!! AND THEY HAVE SO MANY ANGELS AND UNICORNS RUNNING AROUND IN THERE!!!!!!! I ONCE TALKED TO A UNICORN!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY GOSH WHATS UP WITH UNICORNS???????
And so ends my crazy rant. Yes I am literally crazy so thank you for listening.
